We all know I am not Dita Von Teese. I would now like to clarify that I am also not Martha Stewart. Oh sure, be both love to cook, enjoy the garden, decorate our homes, and we want to inspire women on the dying art of homemaking. But I don’t have hundreds of people working for me (yet). I don’t have a company with my name on the stock market (yet). I don’t have a magazine (yet). Nor do I have my own tv show (yet).
And I can’t craft.
No seriously. You saw my first Martha fail a few years ago. I then spent a few years not crafting at all. But time makes me forgetful, and with the advent of Pinterest, I had so many cool tasks in my personal project file that I decided to be crafty again. Big mistake.
I started with something I had been dying to try: stencil with freezer paper. But I didn’t have any fabric paint. So I went ahead and decided to use bleach to take the color out of a t-shirt instead of adding pigment. I thought it would be cool to have two swallows on each shoulder so it would look something like this:
Would you like to see how it turned out?
STOP LAUGHING! I know, two big blobs. The bird on the right looks ok, but the one on the left- not so much. At least not for this perfectionist. I am quite lackadaisical in most aspects of my life, except when it comes to crafting. I think it comes from watching far too many Martha Stewart programs. As an aside, my favorite Martha shows are when she tells kids they are ‘doing it wrong’. Makes me laugh every time.
Here is a close up of the blobs:
I occasionally wear the shirt while working out, or cleaning- but this will never see the public.
My next Martha fail is awesome. Have you ever seen the blog: Learn From My Fail? No? Well you can still learn from my fail:
When you want to make painted garden markers that look like the ones above….
Don’t use your children’s washable paint because it will wash off and fade in about 2 days. #LFMF.
Yes, I am a genus for using non permanent paint for my garden markers. *sigh. Well, at least now I have an excuse to go buy more art supplies for all the crafting I don’t do!
Though I share my fails with you for fun and because I enjoy making people laugh, I would also like to say that this post is proof that not everyone is perfect- not even Miss Martha. I think as women we are often too hard on ourselves- like if we can’t do it perfectly we feel like failures. But that is a fallacy.
I read a book called Who Moved My Cheese and in it there is a quote, ‘what would you do if you weren’t afraid’. At that time in my life (senior year of college) I was very fearful. I didn’t know what my life- which had been spent at school for the past 19 years- was going to look like. I was about to graduate and become a professional, and I was scared. I was so nervous I developed a small case of agoraphobia! I had to seriously talk myself into leaving the house, and would get panic attacks on the subway (I went to Boston University). Though I ended up needing medication to conquer the fear, I used that quote to help calm myself once I was off the pills. When I was going for job interviews I would say to myself, ‘what would I do if I wasn’t afraid’, and then imagine what I would do. Then I would just do what I imagined. I still use this trick all the time. For example when I was about to tape one of my YouTube videos, I would say that to myself, take a deep breath, and then let the fear go. Because I don’t want to spend my time in fear of failure. I would rather do ‘it’ and fail then never try at all.
And that is why I write about my crafting failures. Sometimes you have to remind yourself that actual perfection is boring. It is the attempts at perfection (and by perfection I mean a craft, or a new recipe, or loosing weight or anything that you could fail at) that make us intriguing. And being fascinating is very glamorous.